The Sneaky Pint: The Poet and the Planet

Posted on October 24, 2019 / by The Drunken Poet

Getting to The Drunken Poet is becoming harder and harder. Whether you catch public transport, a taxi, an uber or drive yourself; the journey there is getting increasingly problematic. Most of you already know why, but for those of you who can’t quite work it out, let me spell it out for you. CLIMATE CHANGE. One of the most obvious and immediate effects of climate change lately has been the rising number of protests in the city, thus making it an absolute ball ache to get to the Poet.

Fear not my fellow inebriants, the Sneaky Pint has your back and is willing to go the extra mile to make sure your passage to the Poet is as quick and painless as possible. The Sneaky Pint travelled to Plymouth in England recently, stepped aboard a zero carbon emissions sailboat as the crew were preparing to voyage to Manhattan and had a frank and informative chat with a certain 16 year old climate emergency activist.
After laying the dilemma of increased transit time to the Poet at the feet of this sage, it took several moments for the problem to sink in, but she soon fixed your loyal correspondent in a steady gaze and mapped out 10 ways Poet regulars can reduce climate change and get there quicker.

1. Walk to the Poet. Zero emission walking to the Poet is the very first thing that you can do to slow climate change. Also, it’s way easier to skirt around the outside of a protest when you’re on foot. The sage suggested that one might even join in the protest if it is going in the desired direction.

2. Go to the Poet more often. Electricity generation is the main cause of carbon pollution in Australia. If you’re at home, you’ve got the lights on, the t.v, probably the heating and who knows what else. When you’re at the Poet, you’re sharing your carbon emissions with fellow drinkers, rather than individually increasing them.

3. Drink more Guinness. Guinness is on tap at the Poet (S.P blesses himself) and that means less waste. The glasses are washed and reused, the kegs are reused, the beer system uses zero electricity and as you sup on your pint you can contemplate all the amazing things that are worth saving on this beautiful planet, including Guinness.

4. Listen to music at the Poet. Up to one-fifth of global greenhouse gas pollution comes from deforestation and forest degradation. If you stop reading books and newspapers and listen to live original music at the Poet 6 nights a week, you’ll be helping to stop tree-clearing.

5. Eat Taytos at the Poet. Methane is a greenhouse gas that is 23 times stronger than Carbon Dioxide. By not eating beef and lamb, the biggest methane emitters in agriculture, and eating more Taytos, you’ll stop these prolific farters from heating up the globe.

6. Don’t fart at the Poet. While we’re on the topic of methane emissions, try to at least be outside when you let fluffy off the chain. This won’t necessarily slow climate change, but it will keep the bartenders happy, which will in turn enhance your experience and thus ensure your repeat patronage of the Poet. (Refer back to number 2.)

7. Attend and participate in the Open Mic night on the first Thursday of every month at the Poet. One of the biggest barriers to policy change in the area of climate change is ignorance. Go to the Open Mic night and sing a song, recite a poem or even just rant about the urgency of taking action on climate change.

8. Have the craic at the Poet. When you’re bending someone’s ear, laughing and generally having a great time at that fantastic pub; you’re not out racking up the emissions by charging your phone, taking useless drives in the countryside or going on overseas flights.

9. Play Rings at the Poet. An ancient and beautiful game; Rings has been emitting zero carbon for centuries.

10. Attend the Friday night Happy Hour at the Poet. By taking advantage of the outstanding value of $8 pints of Guinness, Kilkenny and Furphy, you’ll be able to save up to buy some solar panels, install a composter or take more time off work to attend Climate Emergency rallies.